40 Plus. The struggle is real.

As I blew out the candles on my 40th birthday cake, I had no idea my life was about to change this dramatically. Excitement for the new decade and gratitude for the life I’ve built were soon replaced with a hint of anxiety.

As a woman in my 40s, I’ve encountered a unique set of challenges. Some are physical -loss of energy, frequent aches and pains, or sudden changes in blood parameters. Others include loss of motivation, mood fluctuations, constant questioning of “Do I matter?”

The identity crisis has been the most difficult challenge. Some days, I feel like I’m losing my sense of purpose. The things that used to bring me joy and fulfilment don’t have the same effect anymore. I’ve had to confront the harsh reality that my body is changing, and it’s not as resilient as it used to be.

Some of these emotions I had experienced when I went through my postpartum as well. It feels like déjà vu, the struggle no one actually understands.

Men don’t experience these changes, hence they often fail to connect to the struggle. Minimising it to fit their understanding but failing miserably to actually understand. They may not grasp the depth of our emotional struggles or the impact of constant unsolicited advice and comments on our self-esteem, leading to feelings of isolation and frustration. Mr K has really been trying his best, I know; he stood by me like a rock through my postpartum as well. But surely, I wish our men knew more.

The episodes of illness and gloom have been frequent, hence I have earned the label of “I fall ill easily.” One day, I called my mother in tears, wondering if my children have a mother that is incapable of care anymore. Her words worked like “Tiger Balm.” She shared that in her 40s she was worse. Really! I thought to myself, I didn’t even remember. That 30-minute call has worked like a booster. I realised I had no memory of my mom being absent from my life. I only remember the best of us, I guess my kids will too, and I will be okay.

But despite the struggles, I’ve also discovered a newfound sense of freedom and confidence. I am learning to prioritise my own needs, to say no to things that drain my energy (including difficult people), and to say yes to experiences that will give me joy or peace.

As I navigate this unscripted chapter of my life, I’m reminded that I’m not alone. There are millions of women around the world who are facing similar challenges and struggles, but we rarely speak of this phase of our life, making it such a burden to understand.

To all the women in their 40s and beyond, I see you. I hear you. I feel you. We are in this together, and together, we can create a new narrative about what it means to be a woman in this stage of life.

And to our spouses and partners, I urge you to listen, to understand, and to support us through this journey. We need your empathy, your patience, and your love. Stop the labelling and constantly pushing us to be who we were. For that will never happen; we have evolved and are coming out of our cocoon, transforming into something more glorious.

I am raising a toast to wanting to sleep in, or sleep early, to sometimes hating everything, to moody mornings, to spicy cravings coupled with heartburns, to supplements and annoying attitudes. It’s all okay, really. It’s just a phase -a growth spurt. If we are okay to handle our teens’ tantrums, they very well will be okay to handle the moping mommies too.

To 40 & beyond.

Parent With Purpose

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