Where the switch happens is still a mystery—when the balance tips from culture and roots to practical and modern.
The real distress lies in the fact that Indian parents are emotional. When this scale tips over, they are stuck between unsuccessfully convincing their children about what is right and wrong, and ineffectively letting go—unlike their Western counterparts.

Does having a foreign degree and amateur job experience suddenly overshadow the years of parenting and hard work our parents put into us to help us reach this milestone?

Why does a friend’s Ivy League–educated professional parent suddenly seem better than your averagely educated yet successful business-owner parent?

We struggle to give our children the very best—be it a fancy toy, expensive clothes, an upscale school, or a high-maintenance governess.
We cry twice as hard when they get hurt while playing and curse ourselves for not keeping a closer watch.
We ache when they ache over their first heartbreak—even when we were the reason they broke up.
We rejoice in every achievement, question the adjudicator in their failure, and assure them it wasn’t their fault.

We burn the midnight oil, secretly ensuring they reach home safely after a night out.
We struggle quietly to fulfill all their demands, hoping it will help them grow into confident, secure, successful adults—who would one day do all of this for us, if life ever asked it of them.

We teach our children to be practical, strategic, and to let go of the emotional baggage our forefathers carried—because that’s not how the world works anymore.
Ironically, these principles are first applied to us.

When we ask for gratitude for what we sacrificed, we’re told, “It was your duty.”
When we ask for compassion for our health issues, we hear, “You should have taken better care of yourself.”
When we ask for financial support for past loans, the response is, “You should have planned better and not over-leveraged your income.”

We forget that if we are instilling foreign values of selfishness in our children, we must first practice them ourselves.
We forget to say no—because this month, mom has a plan for herself.
We forget to place responsibility on their grown-up shoulders so they understand the value of every rupee spent.
We forget to live some of our dreams—simply because it was our right to.

As a new parent, I am forced to reflect.
Which way do I steer my children—and myself?

Where is Parenting Lesson 1 of this era—
the one that makes my children competitive in this world,
yet allows them to remain the doting,
mumma-screaming,
always-hugging,
sweet little children of mine?

Ruchira Darda

I am Ruchira Darda, a relationship coach, parenting expert, author, and entrepreneur with over 16 years of experience. Based in Mumbai, I work extensively in the areas of mindful living and emotional wellness. I am a TEDx speaker and focus on personality identification to help individuals and families build stronger, healthier relationships. I also lead and actively support initiatives such as the Lokmat MahaMarathon.