A year older. I turned a year older last week. Every year, this is the one day Mr. K puts his heart and soul into planning every minute detail like it’s on the national charter of festivals. Every year, two days before my special day I pack my bags to go to my mom’s house fed up from handling his untimely stress tantrums. I never see him flustered even if the company is going through a huge change but 7th of October every year. After our big argument, 9th becomes a true celebration of my birth and our union.

This year was truly soulful, an evening spent amongst nature and the gods. The entire time we trekked, my darling friends reminisced in the festivities of the past and found it hard to accept the simplicity of the current year. But I am not myself anymore, there has been a constant evolution inside me and I feel it all the time.

Amongst all the things I received this year, the gift to say NO to myself seems the most precious. I really enjoyed the movie PINK, Amitabh Bachchan documenting both sides of the thought process beautifully and ending with the perfect definition of NO. I truly feel as Indians or more specifically Marwari women we don’t use this word enough. No, I won’t be able to come out today I am tired. No, I can’t do this as I have already committed my time. No, I need to spend time with my children so let’s watch a movie another day. Such an easy word and yet we are hesitant to use it.

My mind and my body have been going through their own changes, the doctor says it’s hormonal, the mother says it’s age and the teacher says it’s knowledge.

Ten columns ago my first grey hair had freaked me out, I was obsessed with it, I pumped in vitamins, stood on my head for insane amount of time and I don’t know how many hairy heads I explored in trying to analyse why this had happened to me. My friend posted a picture of me on my engagement day, a social nightmare, “if only I could erase it !!!” Just when I was about to strike a multimedia war I realised I liked myself more today. I loved this updated me, the way my face looked, the way I dressed and definitely the way I think. So it’s not abnormal to feel like an alien in a nightclub full of teenagers being their age I shouldn’t even want to fit in. It’s baby A’s time to jump on sofas and break showpieces and mine to provide caution.

Isn’t this the harshest yet the only honest reality of life? If only we could make way for the next generation with a parade every heart would beat with love.

The most amazing thing about change is that it is the only constant, there will be night after day and a flower will bloom from a bud, but if only the butterfly accepts that she is actually more glamorous than the caterpillar, can she soar the sky.

Ruchira Darda

I am Ruchira Darda, a relationship coach, parenting expert, author, and entrepreneur with over 16 years of experience. Based in Mumbai, I work extensively in the areas of mindful living and emotional wellness. I am a TEDx speaker and focus on personality identification to help individuals and families build stronger, healthier relationships. I also lead and actively support initiatives such as the Lokmat MahaMarathon.